What do you mean they break up ?
Break up ! What do you mean?
We were recovering from the news that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner had split when we heard another heartbreaking news from Hollywood: Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani, married for nearly 13 years and parents of three, had split. The news is certainly depressing. But why does the breakup of a celebrity couple have the power to hurt our hearts so much?
Turns out there are some good reasons. For one thing, disbelief can make the news even harder to accept. "We put celebrities on that pedestal," explains Fran Walfish, PsyD, a psychotherapist from Beverly Hills. "We believe that if they can't do it, with all the access to money in the world, various houses in various countries and experts to solve any problem, who can?
But even though we are ingrained in idolizing celebrities, we also feel closer to them than ever before in history. Cash and fame aside, Twitter and Instagram make celebrities literally look like us. We see glimpses of their family life: franks of Gavin kissing Gwen here; a #TBT photo of Gavin and Gwen in their 90s skater-chic style at the beginning of their courtship there. The more we see them, especially in seemingly intimate, stageless moments, the more unconsciously we feel that we have some kind of connection with them. It is a phenomenon that researchers call "parasocial interaction" or a one-sided relationship. "We are so caught up in celebrity life that when we hear bad news, we indirectly grieve as well," explains Dawn Michael, PhD, a clinical sexologist and relationship counselor in Thousand Oaks, CA.
Not only do we feel sad, but we are likely to feel a bit betrayed when celebrities break the image that everything is amazing, says Michael. Think about it: if your best friend always told you how wonderful your relationship was and then announced your breakup, you would probably feel confused, upset, and wonder what else he was keeping a secret. And even though you know that you and Gwen Stefani aren't exactly BFFL, the subconscious why you didn't tell me earlier, the knee-jerk reaction is similar to what it would be like if it had come from someone in your own circle.
Finally, because we feel like we know celebrities better than we really do, the breakup can trigger feelings of insecurity in our own lives, Walfish cautions. This responsive thought process of `` it happened to them and it could happen to me '' can lead to paranoia and fear about the state of your own relationship. The silver lining: It can actually be a good thing. "Talking about the breakup of a celebrity, including the alleged reasons for their disappearance, is sometimes the best way to raise issues and concerns in your own relationship," explains Walfish. While we will likely never know the full story of why a celebrity couple decided to leave you, media reports of, for example, alleged infidelities can help you and your partner discuss your feelings and concerns on the subject.
One last tip: Experts say that the feelings surrounding parasocial interactions can be positive or negative. So if you're feeling especially bummed by Gwen and Gavin, change your mind (and what you're clicking) to Jennifer Aniston and the news that she and her longtime man, Justin Theroux, are finally married. Now there is a Hollywood ending that we all love to see.
Photo Credit: Pixabay.com: / Images Entertainment
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