What's With Guys Who Don't Even Try on Dates?

 What about guys who don't even try dating?

  Opinion: Do you want to try dating me or any woman?  Then you have to try.

  Not long ago, I met a guy on Tinder who was super sexy and seemed kind, heck yeah.  We exchanged messages for a few days and he asked me to go on our first date the next night.  On the day of, I waited to know when and where it was.  By the time it was 7pm, an hour earlier, when we were supposed to be on the date, I still hadn't heard from him and I assumed he had vanished.  He ended up texting me half an hour before we were supposed to meet and when I asked him why he was only texting now, he admitted he dropped the ball because, he said, he had been "skating so hard all day  "Which Honestly, lol OK, buddy. When I told him I had already made other plans, he said he would do better next time.

  Wow.  Really?  "Next time"?  What would make you think I'd try again?

  OK look.  I understand that in the love swipe era, you can line up the first few dates of a week with minimal effort.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't push yourself on the dates themselves.  Guys, let me be clear: you still have to (and should want to) try.

  Shouldn't people treat the first date like it's their only chance to surprise someone who could be truly amazing?  Instead, I've found that the people I'm meeting (and my friends are meeting) seem to be adopting the attitude of Well we're just seeing each other, who cares?  Oh hello, I care!  The person who invested time and put on his pants to meet you cares!  And even after the first date, you should keep trying!

  I recently spent seven hours (SEVEN HOURS !!!) talking to a guy on our first date.  And we kissed and it was great, immediately intimate and charming.  And then he didn't walk me home even though he lived two blocks away.  (Really: two blocks).  And then he didn't text.  Absolutely.  And when I asked him what happened a few days later, he said "he was busy and he forgot, sorry, and then he kept texting me like nothing was wrong, well, and then he disappeared again.

  Don't get me wrong, this guy wasn't incredibly cool by any means.  But I put the energy of a literal work day into going on a date with this guy, not to mention I really had fun and felt a connection, and he can't even muster a I had a great time, but no. You see this text that goes  anywhere? And if you didn't feel anything, why did you spend seven hours with me? And why did you drop the ball and then pick it up and drop it again?

  As a woman I have often been told be understanding and don't be too picky etc etc, that I have set a very low bar for what I expect from men.  I shouldn't feel bad for having reasonable standards above Hey, I'm putting my pants on, what do you want?

  So guys, I'm going to have to stop accepting this nonsense halfway.  Do you want to try dating me or any woman?  Then you have to try.  That means: actually making a plan if it was you who asked, actually following that plan like you have shit to do and you are grateful for the opportunity to meet me, just as I am grateful for the same.  with you.  And really trying to get to know me, really caring about me as a person and if you don't care about me as a person, tell me and we will both move on.

  What if every woman realized she deserves more and said, No, he should see me as someone who deserves to have everything possible, right from the start?  Quite possibly, if we all did that, the guys would know they couldn't get away with less than we deserve, and they'd rise to the occasion and give it to us.

  Even if it means taking a break from skating to cancel.

  Lane Moore's first book, How to Be Alone (Atria / Simon & Schuster), will be published on November 6, 2018. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.