Why a sex diary might be right for you and how to do it 

Yes, we suggest that you keep track of your sex life. 

For many of us, journaling started in high school with a journal that we would probably now find a bit dramatic. These days, however, you may choose journals for other reasons. Even if you're not writing down your daily thoughts, many adults now embrace journaling as a way to keep track of their mental health, dreams, travel, fitness, or career goals. However, there is a diary topic that you may not hear that often: sex.
Yes, I suggest you keep a record of your sex life. But I don't mean just writing down the names of all the people you have sex with (unless you want to). "Journaling about sex can add a layer of mindfulness to your sex life," Shadeen Francis, L.M.F.T., who specializes in sex therapy and emotional intelligence, tells SELF. If you're open to the process, a sex journal can help you reflect on your experiences, desires, and fantasies. Here are some good reasons to start a sex diary and some tips for using one.

Here are some reasons why a sex diary can be so revealing.

1. A sex journal can help you process your experiences. 

“Journaling has long been used as a therapeutic technique to help people reflect on their thoughts and feelings,” Madeline Cooper, LCSW, a sex therapist who sees both individuals and couples, tells SELF. . Part of the reason journaling works is that it encourages expressive writing and helps people contextualize past emotional experiences. Sex therapist Lisa Hochberger, L.M.S.W., tells SELF that sex can be difficult to process right now, "so a sex journal gives you the space to interpret your experience." Even if you are not having sex with other people at the moment, you can focus on past experiences, future desires, or masturbation. No matter what your sex life is like, a sex journal can help you process it.

2. You can learn more about your sex drive. 

With a sex journal, you can explore how sex feels to you and why you are doing it. "Sometimes sex can be something that people do just to break up or because they feel like they have to have sex to be a good match," says Hochberger, adding that regular journaling practice allows you to slow down and be more aware of your motivations.
Tracking your sex life can also help you see patterns that can influence how, when, or why you want (or don't) want sex. Maybe you're really horny the week before your period starts, or maybe sex is painful at that point in your cycle. Perhaps slow and sensual sex makes you feel connected to your partner. Or maybe you feel closer to them when the sex is rough. Keeping track of what happens and how you feel during sex can clear up these patterns.

3. Keeping a sex diary can facilitate communication with partners. 

Sex can be a loaded talking point for couples, Pamela Joy, M.A., a Somatica Institue certified sex and relationship coach and counseling psychologist, tells SELF. Some of the most revealing discussions for couples going to sex therapy have to do with what they liked or didn't like about their most recent encounters. This is not surprising. There is significant social pressure, especially for cis women who have sex with cis men, to be shy about sex. And that shyness can lead to sex that is unpleasant for everyone involved, Lori Michels, L.M.F.T., an AASECT-certified sex therapist, previously told SELF. The fear of hurting a partner's feelings can prevent couples from being open about their likes and dislikes as well. "I often find that without that talk, they would never really know what is exciting or fun about their sex," says Joy.