12 women share what helped them get through the worst breakups of their lives

 Smart tactics to overcome heartbreak.

Going through a breakup can be so painful that you wonder if it makes sense to try to love again. Why take the risk when there are so many perfectly good caves that you could retreat to alone for the rest of your days? Fortunately, that painful fog usually clears, and at some point, you're ready to open up to the idea of ​​another relationship because it could all be worth it. And even better, all that stuff that doesn't kill you makes you stronger is never truer than when it comes to heartbreak. At the same time, that does not mean that you want to prolong the process. In the interest of moving forward as quickly as possible in a healthy way, 12 women share what helped them get through the worst breakups of their lives.

1. Move around the country.

We were a long distance, and he said his feelings had faded. I moved from Boston to San Diego, which, with its waves and salt water, was the perfect place to heal my heart. Moving to a new city and getting a new job I wanted to create my own world away from my ex boyfriend. I also dated people who had little knowledge of him or our relationship. Being around people who really liked and cared about me was a constant reminder of what I was doing. I should seek and value. in my future relationships.

2. Introduction to yoga.

After four years together, we broke up because we were both stubborn and we were never willing to see each other's point of view. Then, I found yoga. In each class, I found a bit of stillness, learned something new about what was happening in my mind and how to control it, and I began to feel physically very strong. For me, yoga is the practice of letting go and being present. While that particular 'present' was not the peak of happiness in my life, I felt content to work at it in the most graceful way possible. And I let it go, even as he tried to get back together. Yoga gave me the courage I needed to keep going. It was such an empowering feeling that now, three years later, I am full-time yoga teacher.

3. Travel alone.

I was trapped in an abusive marriage. After 15 years, I finally found strength and got divorced. I got a ticket to France with my frequent flier miles and pulled out some French CDs from the library. At night, I got that ticket and look at it as a love letter. It helped me to refocus on a beautiful goal. I drove through France for two weeks, visiting cities, churches and castles that my ancestors had connections with. It was the most exhilarating feeling to be completely alone, doing exactly what I wanted to do exactly when I wanted to do it. I came home with a renewed sense of pride and self-satisfaction.

4. Say yes more often.

"After my ex and I broke up, I resorted to the usual coping methods: drinking, trying to meet people in bars, and sleeping with other people. But what worked best was my idea of ​​never saying no. to an opportunity, no matter how miserable it was. I spent a year filming my life on a cheap GoPro and asking people to talk about the best way to get over a breakup. I did things like camping, rafting, attending concerts, and going to bars with acquaintances who were probably just being polite when they said, 'You should come.' Throughout the process I realized that my breakup didn't define me and that it was okay to be alone.

5. Go to group therapy.

Seven months after my husband moved out when we ended our 12-year relationship, she told me that she was in a committed relationship with another woman. At the time, I was working on Splitopia, a book about today's good divorce, and I.marriages. It really put my own experience in perspective and made it look like it was going to happen, and it did.

6. Get serious about losing weight.

After being in love with him for 10 years, he continued to have children with other women. I was on a weight loss journey during our relationship, and I think he expected me to fall off the train. So afterwards I stayed focused and lost. the last 50 pounds. The weight loss was great because I tested something on myself. In total, I lost 150 pounds and 50 was as a result of getting over a relationship that I knew I couldn't have in the long term. I had to pursue my needs, not my wishes. I also started dating rapper briefly, because I wanted some excitement in my life after that big blow to my heart.

7. Realize that it is about respect.

My ex was cruel and cruel after seven years of marriage. After I left, I started seeing a therapist who told me that my depression was situational because it was due to my husband. Since I moved away from that situation, my depression would probably go away. My therapist was right. I also started dating a much younger man to increase my self-confidence and eventually got used to someone being nice to me again. I realized that I deserve to be treated with respect.

8. Grieve over the end of the relationship.

We were engaged, but one day, he said 'It's not you, it's me' and left. I tried various coping methods, such as writing him a letter about how I really felt, how he hurt me and what he thought. so kind). I needed to get it off my chest as it left me without rhyme or reason, but I didn't send it. I also allowed myself to cry and feel the pain. I was mourning the death of my relationship, so I gave myself permission to cry. And no I heard love songs, breakup songs, or watched romantic comedies. Even the gospel music I listened to was uplifting, not a reminder of the valley I was in.

9. Training for a marathon.

My ex-boyfriend of five years broke up with me last April. He was living in a different state, and I knew he had a girlfriend that he apparently had a crush on. I was devastated. To help me get over it, I trained for a marathon. Those long runs in Summer could get pretty brutal, but every time I was tempted to quit, thinking about how horrible my ex was helped me get through it, face it, helped me achieve a goal and get myself in the best shape of my life. Eventually I beat my best marathon time by over 50 minutes!

10. Stay positive no matter what.

My boyfriend was cheating on a woman in our ministry. After the breakup, I learned that killing with kindness is highly underrated. Speaking positively when others asked about our relationship really burned them both; I'm still laughing about it now. Prayer also worked because it helped to build my insides that was severely damaged by the failure of this relationship. I began to understand my value and clearly develop what I needed from a relationship, the value I added to a relationship and what I did not do. I need in my life.

11. Find someone a better fit.

My ex and I started out as friends, but once he kissed me, I was lost. What we had was a chemical attraction, but we weren't good for each other. I tried spending more time with friends after our breakup, but that didn't seem to work out well. What really ended up happening is that I met someone else. Poor boy, he had a lot more obstacles to overcome. But this new guy was persistent, so we're probably married now. I thought he'd been happy before But the longer she was with this new guy, the more she could see that what she wanted with the other guy had been a fantasy. 

12. See the world.

My husband decided that monogamy was no longer something he wanted. After that, I sold almost everything I had and joined a work abroad program called Remote Year, where I travel the world with 75 other people. who work remotely. The knowledge that I am living a life he knows so little about, a life for myself alone, has freed me from being attached to him. It has allowed me to heal.